I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
