i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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