my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
