The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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