omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
