And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't turn off my feet"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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