i think my tv is drunk
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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