Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
