I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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