ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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