I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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