he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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