worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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