You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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