i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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