I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
