Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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