i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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