She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
