I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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