You're so nebulous sometimes
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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