Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
