i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
