I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
where are you?
Hypothermia
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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