You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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