We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
