so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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