If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
are you so shy because you have an std?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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