He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
