Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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