Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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