I faked an abortion last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
