Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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