I'm jealous of your bromance
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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