Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
