My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
