"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
