Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did i walk over a car last night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will pee on everything he values.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
