Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
