that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
