my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
