You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
