dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am one with the molecules
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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