Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
