dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
