Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
