the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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