her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
