I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
