Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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