just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
