When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
