people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
