Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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