I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.