did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
