I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME