I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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